Autumn is regarded as a season of letting go. As one connects to the trees at this time we see them effortlessly losing their leaves trusting that in spring new ones will form.
Why then as humans do we constantly hold on to things that don’t serve us, such as relationships, work, patterns of behaviour, emotions of anger, guilt, unforgiveness and material things that don’t serve us?
Often the reasons for not letting go are related to fear, pain, insecurity, attachment and the wonderful feeling of being the one that is always right,which of course is our ego. As humans we resist change and so often choose to stay in our comfort zones complaining or dreaming about how life could be, rather than muster the courage to take action and move towards living the life that we truly deserve.
Dealing with challenges when letting go…
So how does one let go following what is perceived to be an injustice, a loss of a loved one, finding forgiveness following what can be an unforgivable action towards you.?These are all difficult issues and dilemmas that bring challenges to our lives as humans. Often in the face of these a larger perspective is required bringing in spirit as in doing this, a greater meaning of the incident in the past could emerge. I urge you, if you have not worked through difficult situations such as these and it is impacting on your life then find a counsellor / coach who can assist you to move forward. It is not necessary to live in pain and suffering. This doesn’t mean you can change what occurred in the past but it is possible to change the meaning you ascribe to it, which will allow you to let go and move forward.
Being mindful and present in the moment is particularly helpful in bringing a sense of peace and clarity to any situation. As is focussing on the possible positive outcomes of letting go, another way of looking at is asking the question ,”what will I gain from letting go”? Often when we look at an occurrence that happened to us it is possible in retrospect to acknowledge a lesson learnt or a growth point that occurred. If we look for the gifts granted, they become apparent and can help us to let go.
Letting go, as humans is complex but also can bring so much freedom and allowing of possibility and potential into ones life. As a coach /counsellor I have seen people let go and shift to becoming so much more of who they were and going on to change careers, do MBA’S, change partners, deepen relationships and follow their life long dreams.
So I invite you to this Autumn to try and let go of something by following the steps below.
7 Steps in the art of letting go
Before you begin the process, get a pen and paper and actively
write things down.
1. Create an awareness of what is NOT serving you in life
Ask yourself some questions, what is it that you are holding on to. Give it a name, then write down all you know about it including how it impacts on your life. As you do the exercise…
2. Notice all the emotions attached to that which you are holding on. It could be anger, guilt, fear, if they come up and it’s appropriate allow them to well up, as probably they are sitting there suppressed anyway OR simply acknowledge them and let them be. Also…..
3. Identify patterns of behaviour attached to that which is holding you back. These are often patterns that were established when we were young to cope with life. Often later in life they no longer serve you but you continue to use them to your detriment. It is however always possible to change them. How do you think you could change them?
4. Acknowledge points of stuckness that now arrive. The voices that say, ‘I can never change that’ or self-doubt creeps in and the voice, “I can’t do that, what will everyone think ” or shifting to blame a person, object etc. that is the perceived problem and you can’t change them. These are the obstacles holding you in this space, note them all as they are important but know it is always possible to be creative to move forward.
Having gathered all you know about what you holding on to
5) Be creative, use visualisation and imagination and imagine how your life would look without that which you are holding on. How would you look, act, feel what you would feel like and fully imagine being that person.
6) Now make a choice about what ACTION you are going to take to let go to move towards the life you would like to lead.
This step often takes courage to step out of your comfort zone or the known but each time you LET GO you leave space for something new to emerge in its place.
7) Consolidate is the last step – letting go is a process which often doesn’t just happen overnight but the more awareness you have and the more you take action by letting go, the closer you will move to living a life that you desire!
In the process of letting go be kind and patient with yourself and if you get stuck and are not moving forward, consider COACHING IN NATURE to assist you in the process.